Graves & Epitaphs

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Epitaph: An inscription on a tomb showing that vitues acquired in death have a retroactive effect
Ambrose Bierce

Here lie I, Martin, Martin Elginbrodde
Have mercy on my soul, Lord God
As I would do were I Lord God
And thou were Martin Elginbrodde
Anonymous

Here Holy Willie's sair worn clay
Takes up his last abode
His soul has taken some other way
I fear the left hand road
Robert Burns (meaning Hell)

Here lie Willie Michie's bones
O Satan, when you take him
Give him some schoolin of your ways
For clever devils he'll make them
Robert Burns on an anonymous school teacher

When deceased and passed below
Earth jumped for joy, "For you it is well"
Said Nick, "but I should like to know
Why this monster was sent to Hell?"
FP Barnard

If heaven be pleased when sinners cease to sin
If hell be pleased when souls are damned therein
If earth be pleased when it's rid of a knave
Then all are pleased for Coleman's in his grave
Anonymous

Here lies Henry William, twenty second Lord
In joyful expectation of the last trump
Lord Alvanley (who had been expelled from a whist society)

Here lies the father of taxation
May heaven, his faults forgiving
Grant him repose, which he, whilst living,
Would never grant the nation
RA Davenport on Jean-Baptiste Colbert