How to be Insulting to Barbers

George S. Kaufman was asked by a new barber how he liked his hair cut. He replied in two words:

'In silence.'

When I asked for a trim I didn't expect to look as if you'd used a hedge-trimmer.

Do you give a refund when I go bald, or just offer special terms on the wig?

Don't worry about using the razor next time you give a shave, just use the clippers. It'll be quicker and it can't be any more painful.

Asked by a barber if he preferred his hair cut in any particular style, Sir Winston Churchill replied:

'A man of my limited resources cannot presume to have a hair style. Get on and cut it.'