How to be Insulting to Hosts

Lord Birkenhead was once guest of honour at a dinner in the City. At the start of the speeches, his host rose and called for silence before saying:

'I now call upon F. E. Smith, who needs no introduction from me . . .', which he promptly followed with a very long and very tedious introduction. The guest of honour was livid by the time his host finished and said:

'And I now call upon F. E. Smith for his address.'

'It's in Grosvenor Square,' he replied, 'and I'm going right now.'