How to be Insulting in a Restaurant

Is this steak well done, or has it been cremated?

Is this rice or were they maggots?

Can you bring me a glass of hot water please? I want to wash the cutlery.

I asked for some soup ten minutes ago, are you having trouble opening the tin?

I didn't realize this was a vegetarian restaurant until I saw the mixed grill.

Excuse me, waiter, I think something died in this sauce.

If this wine is chambre the other half of this restaurant must be half-way to the North Pole.

When they describe this as original Indian food, what they mean is that it was cooked there in the first place.

Can you take this away please. I think it's the same meal I rejected last time I was here.