How to be Insulting about Rivals

On Rona Barrett:

'She doesn't need a steak knife. Rona cuts her food with her tongue.' — Johnny Carson

Mrs. Patrick Campbell chanced to meet Mrs. Leslie Carter in a friend's dressing-room. The friend introduced the two actresses to each other, though she felt sure that they must have known one another.

'Honoured, honoured,' said Mrs. Patrick Campbell, as they shook hands. Then she added in a loud stage-whisper:

'I thought she was dead.'