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From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - Parallel Universe

Arlene Rimmer: (About Arnold Rimmer) If you want to keep your beer cool, stick it between his legs.

Rimmer: Lister, I'm going to bed now, by myself, on my own, alone. If she comes back, tell her I've got a headache or something.
Lister: Why, where's she gone?
Rimmer: She's gone to get some sexy videos. She seems to think seeing two men together might turn me on.
Lister: Where are you sleeping?
Rimmer: I'm not telling you. It's too risky.
Lister: C'mon, what are you, a man or a munchkin?
Rimmer: I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!

Rimmer: You pieces of filth. How could you commit an act of carnal knowledge?

Rimmer: In my bunk? On my sheets, using my springs. What could possibly have made you contemplate making love to yourself?
Arlene Rimmer: Well, why break a habit of a lifetime?

Rimmer: What colour is it supposed to turn?
Lister: Blue for not pregnant. Which is the colour it is going to turn.
Rimmer: And red for pregnant?
Lister: Yeah.
Rimmer: Come on ye reds!

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