From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - Polymorph

Kryten: Oh, and, er, who's that, there? an old girlfriend, Mr Arnold, sir?
Rimmer: Hardly.
Kryten: Ah, no. Not really your type, I suppose -- silly old trout like that.
Rimmer: She's my mother.
Kryten: Oh! I am so sorry, sir!!!
Rimmer: Just forget it.
Kryten: Oh, how can I forget it, sir? I compared your mother to a foolish , aged, blubbery fish! I said she was a simple-minded, scaly old piscine! I estimated she was an ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senility! A putrid amphibious gillbreather with (cries) with less brains than a mollusc!

Lister: (Kryten goes to his knees and begins to try removing Lister's shorts. Rimmer enters, and sees the goings-on from behind Kryten. Still bouncing wildly) Please, I'm begging you! Get them off, man! Pull them down!
Rimmer: Well, I can't say I'm totally shocked... You'll bonk anything, won't you, Lister!

Kryten: What about the Space Corps Directive which states, "It is our primary overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home?"
Rimmer: What about the Rimmer Directive which states, "Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family?"

Cat: You either got it or you ain't. Boys, you ain't even close.

Rimmer: Stop your blithering, Kryten. Come on! Grab the Cat, and let's go!
Kryten: Oh, screw you, hadron-head!

Kryten: (To Rimmer) Has anyone ever told you that you are a disgusting, pus-filled bubo who has all the wit, charm and self-possession of an Alsatian dog after a head-swap operation?

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