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From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - Camille

Rimmer: (Rimmer is standing next to Starbug. Kryten enters as Rimmer checks his watch.) Ah, Kryten. At last. Glad you could make it this millennium.
Kryten: Smeerrrrg!
Rimmer: I beg your pardon?
Kryten: Smerrrrg heeeeed!
Rimmer: What?
Kryten: You're a smeerrrrg heeeee... Oh, forget it!

Kryten: Sir, you're a smeeeee...
Rimmer: A smee.
Kryten: A smeee heeee...
Rimmer: A smee hee.
Kryten: A complete and total one.

Camille: Please! I can't meet your shipmates. Trust me.
Kryten: But you don't know them! You'll like them! Well, SOME of them. Well, ONE of them. Maybe.

Rimmer: I'll tell you something. She's so like my sister-in-law Jannine, it's untrue.
Kryten: (Amazed) Camille looks like your sister-in-law? What happened? Was she involved in some kind of horrific car accident?
Rimmer: Who, Jannine? No, of course not; she was a model.
Kryten: And she looked like Camille?
Rimmer: Absolutely; the resemblance is uncanny.
Kryten: What did she model? Spark plugs?
Rimmer: I happen to think she's very attractive.
Kryten: You do?
Rimmer: Certainly.
Kryten: Do you think I'M attractive?
Rimmer: You? Of course not. I think you look like a giant half-chewed rubber-tipped pencil.

Kryten: Well, I -- I think you look... really nice.
Cat: Nice? She looks like something that dropped out of the Sphinx's nose!

Cat: I can't believe he's really going through with this.
Rimmer: Look, if Kryten wants to take an amorphous green blob for a discreet tete-a-tentacle, I say good luck to him.
Lister: (Sitting down) I mean, me too. I mean, we all react differently, don't we? When Steve McQueen met The Blob, he tried to kill it. It probably never crossed his mind to try and take it out to a restaurant.
Cat: I have a great idea. They should go to a sushi bar. At least that way, the food won't look better than his date!

Lister: I suppose you're gonna blame me for all of this, aren't you?
Kryten: Yes, I am. Without your lessons -- without your bananas and your movies and your aardvarks -- none of this could have happened. You're a complete and total smeghead.
Lister: Brutal, Kryten! You just insulted me!
Kryten: Yes; I can lie, cheat, AND be offensive now.


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