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From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - White Hole

Kryten: Listen! Can anyone hear anything?
Cat: (Pause. There is silence.) No.
Kryten: Precisely. No one can hear anything! And you know WHY we can't hear anything?
Rimmer: Why?
Kryten: (In the Voice Of Doom) Because there are NO sounds to hear.
Rimmer: Kryten, isn't it round about this time of year that your head goes back to the lab for re-tuning?

Rimmer: Holly, I haven't the slightest clue what you're drivelling about.
Holly: You're a total smeghead, aren't you Rimmer? Why are you so unable to grasp this extraordinarily simple premise?
Rimmer: What premise?
Holly: The premise that I am about to expire in just under two minutes. Understand, moose brain?

Kryten: I'm sorry, Sir.
Rimmer: Sorry? Why are you sorry?
Well, Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crew member might survive.
Rimmer: Yes, but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly, "No chance you metal bastard."

Cat: Come on, man, you gotta sacrifice your life! I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do!
Rimmer: YOU? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of the crew?
Cat: No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life for the good of the crew.

Lister: Well, it's back to basics. We've got no heat, no light, no power; we can't get any food out of the dispensing machines; we're gonna have to scavenge for what we can find in the cargo decks. Without computers and technology, we're reduced to the level of primitives. All we've got is us guys, us and our own resourcefulness.
Cat: My God, it's worse than I thought!

Rimmer: (Sounding like a speed addict who's inhaled helium) I'm not speaking quickly. I'm speaking perfectly normally. It's you. You're speaking too slowly. It's like having a conversation with Paul Robeson on dope.

Rimmer: Well, I say we put it to the vote. On one hand, we have a computer, with an IQ in excess of twelve thousand, who has a total grasp of astrophysics. And on the other hand, we have Lister, who, and let's be fair to him, is a complete gimp. To whom do we entrust our lives, the safety of this vessel and the future of everything? If it's a tie, we go with Holly. What's your vote, Lister?
Lister:
Well, I vote for Dave "Cinzano Bianco" Lister.
Rimmer:
One-nil to Listypoos. I vote for Holly. Cat?
Cat: Well, I agree with you, buddy. But I'm voting for Doodoo Breath. The thing is, even though you're right, I could not bring myself to vote for someone with your dress sense. I couldn't put my cross next to the Bri-nylon party.

Kryten: We will cease to be HERE, because none of this will have occurred. But we will exist back on Red Dwarf, before all this began. With, of course, no memory of these events, which, of course, never happened. And as these events never happened, we will have no memory of them. In which case, Mister Rimmer, Sir, I should like to take this opportunity of saying that you are the most obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smeghead it has ever been my misfortune to encounter!


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