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From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - Kryten

Rimmer: Oh, speaks! And how many books have you read in your entire life? The same number as champion the wonder horse: zero!
Lister: I've read books.
Rimmer: Uh, Lister, we're not talking about books where the main character is a dog called "Ben".

Rimmer: Holly, as the Esperantinos would say, "Bonvolu alsendi la pordiston? Lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!" (Thumbs his chin at HOLLY) And I think we all know what that means.
Holly: Yeah, it means, "Could you send for the hall porter? There appears to be a frog in my bidet."

Rimmer: Is it? Well what's that one about, "Your father was a baboon's rump and your mother spent most of her life up against walls with sailors?"

Rimmer: Remember those two little brunettes from supplies? And I told them I worked in stores and they were really interested and asked me exactly what I did there.
Lister: And I said you were a shelf.
Rimmer: Exactly! And I suggested a little trip to Titan Zoo and you said, "Eww! He's taking ya home ta meet his mum already!"
Lister: So? They laughed!
Rimmer: Yes, at me! At my expense! Just don't put me down when we meet them.
Lister: Okay, whatcha want me to say? How do you want me to act?
Rimmer: I don't know. Just act with respect. For a start, don't call me "Rimmer."
Lister: Why not?
Rimmer: Because you always put the emphasis on "Rim" in "Rimmer." Makes me sound like a lavatory disinfectant.
Lister: Well what do you want me to call you? "Rim-MER?"
Rimmer: I don't know. Um, "Arnie," "Arn," uh, something with a little more... I don't know. How about "Big Man?"
Lister: (Sneering) "Big Man?"
Rimmer: Or what about the nickname I had a school?
Lister: What? "Bonehead?"
Rimmer: How did you know my nickname was "Bonehead?"
Lister: I was only guessing.
Rimmer: I didn't mean that. I meant the other one.
Lister: What other one?
Rimmer: "Ace!"
Lister: Get out of town! Your nickname was never "Ace!" Maybe "Ace-hole."

Rimmer: Our first contact with intelligent life in three million and two years and it's the android version of Norman Bates.

Kryten: Well, Mister Arnold is my master now.
Lister: "Mister Arnold" isn't his name. His name's "Rimmer." Or "Smeghead." Or "Dinosaur Breath" or "Molecule Mind." And on a really special occasion when you want to be really mega-polite to him, Kryten, we're talking MEGA-polite, in those exceptional circumstances, you can call him "Arse-hole."

Kryten: (Flipping Rimmer the bird) Swivel on it, punk!


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