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From the TV Series Red Dwarf

Episode - Thanks For the Memory

Rimmer: I can't understand it. I've had so much to drink and it hasn't even afflicted me. I'm not in the least bit tiddly.
Lister: Oh yeah? Why are you dancing then?
Cat: Ha! You call that dancing? I've seen people on fire move better than that!

Rimmer: I could never invent a sandwich like this, Lister. You see all the ingredients are wrong. The fried eggs: wrong; the chutney: wrong. The chilli sauce: all wrong. But put them together and somehow it works. It becomes right. It's you -- this sandwich, Lister, is you.
Lister: What are you saying to me, Rimmer?
Rimmer: You're wrong, right? All your ingredients are wrong. You're slobby, you've got no sense of discipline, you're the only man ever to get his money back from the Odour Eater people, but people like you, don't you see? That's why you're a fried egg, chilli, chutney sandwich. Now me ... now me ... All the ingredients are right. I'm disciplined, I'm organised, I'm dedicated to my career, I've always got a pen. Result? Total smeghead despised by everyone except the ship's parrot. And that's only because we haven't got one. Why? Why is that?

Lister: I suppose it's because you ARE a total smeghead.

Rimmer: That time she stuck her tongue down my ear. It wasn't my ear at all -- it was your ear. The woman I loved most in the whole world had her tongue down your ear. The most romantic thing I've ever had down my ear is a Johnson's baby bud.

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